SAP announces Complicated Business Suite, quotes “need for complexity”

SAP, the well-known German software giant of ERP solutions, has announced today that it will soon release a new version of its Business Suite.

SAP co-CEOs Bill McDermot and Jim Hagemann Snabe presented the new version at a press conference at SAP headquarters in Walldorf, Germany. McDermott: “We received feedback from many implementation consultants, and everyone complained about the rather short duration of the implementation process. The current Business Suite is just too easy, apparently.

For many consultants, lengthy SAP projects that seem to last forever are essential for healthy earnings, so with the new Complicated Business Suite, we will give them what they need: An overly complicated suite of software tools, broken down into countless parts that all need to work together somehow, delivered with vague and short documentation full of buzz words, that ensure complete and utter dependence on the implementation consultant.”

Hagemann Snabe pointed out that SAP failed badly in 2009, when the State of California sunk merely $25 million into an $69 million project, which could have been much more if the client would have had a more genuine illusion of eventual completion. The Complicated Business Suite addresses this weakness as well, with new hypnosis training and Powerpoint presentations featuring subliminal messaging available to implementing SAP partners. Hagemann Snabe: “This is a win-win situation. Clients will feel much more comfortable letting projects drag on for years and let profits disappear, while implementation consultants will have no trouble spending month after month installing and configuring all components while providing plausible explanations.”

Meanwhile, members of the European Parliament and members of the U.S. Congress are in doubt whether the new software release creates more jobs, or qualifies as a downright scam.