Google employees harass others for “social” bonus

Larry Page, starting a new era this week as CEO of Google, has wasted no time to change the company’s focus and direction. Aside from a major reorganization, he has also sent a companywide memo tying 25% of every employee’s bonus to Google’s success in anything “social”; the employees, many of which don’t have any means to further Google’s success in this field, are supposed to promote the firm’s social products and features. The memo has caused an outbreak of Google-related spam and harassment, originating from anxious Google employees. According to the Santa Clara County police, 5213 Google employees were arrested for blocking access to Facebook offices; 192 were caught given Google-candy to little children; 27 were indicted for running a botnet that signed up infected computers for Google Buzz; 398 were reported by family members, complaining they had invited themselves to their homes to ensure usage of Google products; and 5 others were seen in a giant G-shaped balloon, which exploded and crash after a collison with an F-shaped roof ornament. Finally, a group of 39 employees was escorted out of a Mountain View mall yesterday, when security learned they had been handing out highly adhesive Google is your friend leaflets.