Blackmailed Google Reluctantly Launches Mafia+ Social Network
As you might know, today is a very special day in the history of social networks: Google is launching the Mafia+ social network. Unlike Google+, the company isn’t very proud of it, though.
I heard rumors that Google CEO Larry Page was “motivated on a very personal level” by New York mafiosi, so I went to Mountain View to check it out. As you might remember, last time I spoke with him it seemed his hormones were getting the better of him.
As I entered his office, I immediately noticed a couple of suspicious Mafia bozos sitting around on his sofa. “Oh, don’t worry”, said Larry, “These are Mario and Bruno. They are here for my… uhm, protection.” The gorillas nodded with a grin.
When I asked about the Mafia+ network, Larry leaned forward and said softly, “I know. It’s a disaster, but the mob is blackmailing me with stuff from my Google Porn account.” Mario smiled as he pointed to a suitcase in the corner of the room. “Believe me. You don’t want to that stuff to come out.”
Page almost blushed. “Hmmm. Well, let me tell you about our new network”, he mumbled, trying to avoid looking at Bruno’s shiny Colt .45. He cleared his throat and sighed. “I really can’t do this. Bruno, why don’t you tell our visitor about Mafia+?” he asked.
“And then there’s the Blackmail Suggestion Tool. It’s awesome. We can just get on Maps, click on a business and get instant ideas for smart extortion. Right, Mr. Page?”. Page nodded his head in shame.
“There’s tons of really useful stuff on Mafia+.”, Bruno continued. “Like a list of nearby weapon stores you can rob, galleries of people that are either after you or should be whacked, or all the bad cops at the nearest station… Mr. Page here has really done an excellent job”, Bruno concluded, while giving Larry a harsh shoulder massage.
“Uhm, yes, don’t mention it”, said Page, shivering. When asked how Mafia+ was built and launched in merely 30 days, he pointed at Mario and Bruno. “The mafia was so kind to provide a task force to help us ensure smooth delivery”, Page said while showing some rope burns on his wrists. “It has been, uhm, a very, very special time for all of us here at Google.”
I was about to ask for details, but Mario suddenly got up from the sofa. “Mister, you need to leave now. Mr. Page needs to focus on di business now.” he said, while pointing me at the door. Only then I noticed some splashes of what I’d like to think was tomato sauce on the door. I quickly got out, while waving to Page, who seemed glued to his chair.
Join me next time, as I continue to cover the Mafia takeover at Google.
This article was first published on Technorati.
