The 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective Developers
Many developers start off reading books looking for best practices, eager to become a Good Developer. However, after a while, when you have realized that you’re not gonna make it to be the next C# Guru, PHP Mastermind, or Java Buddha, it’s much easier to head over to the Dark Side and become the Worst Kind of Developer, as software expert Joel Spolsky explains us below.
1: Type, don’t think
Thinking is overrated. It’s what sells meds for headaches, it doesn’t produce code! So, grumble and growl when asked about pesky paperwork like “specs” or “requirements” – that’s for losers who are afraid of the Real Work. A vague notion of the system is more than enough, details will only distract from coding. Boring diagrams are only helpful to absorb spilled coffee. Iterative approaches are for insecure morons, winners go for the finish in one go.
2: Focus, don’t expand
One language, one platform, one IDE, that’s the commitment only True Programmers can make. Forever. Visit narrow-minded user groups and conferences often to enforce your mindset. Remember, new knowledge is a burden that blocks your growth to Absolute Expert in a tiny area.
3: Work, don’t collaborate
Teamwork is for weak folks. It only leads to battles about tabs vs. spaces, gossip about that dude that never commits, and pressure to document things. Besides, Real Developers don’t need no stinking help or advice from The Others. And they surely don’t help others while they could be coding the Next Big Thing.
4: Build, don’t test
Don’t let people undermine your Authority with ramblings about Test Driven Nonsense, Automatic Test Bullshit, and Unit Yadda-yadda. After all, you build it. It’s only logical no testing is required. You deliver perfection, and a punch to anyone begging to differ.
5: Control, don’t share
Of course, only you qualify to build truly amazing software or webapps, so there’s no need for lame version control systems. Only with one copy of all important files on one laptop its power can be contained. The rest is a matter of trust. Don’t keep backups, live on the edge.
6: Deliver, don’t document.
Your boss wants it yesterday, so of course you can’t document anything. Besides, your code is pure poetry – it is insulting to require further explanation. Use automated tools to strip any comment you might have left somewhere, use minifiers and obfuscators to improve the mystery. Claim that you wrote the code exactly that way to demand respect.
7: Invent, don’t reuse
Truly great software can only be built if you and only you build it from the ground up. You may be seduced by sexy frameworks and toolkits, but don’t go down that dark road. Remember, you didn’t write it so it’s all crap in a way. It’s stuff for wannabees that need to cover up their incompetence, not for you.
May the Force be with you, as Joel always says.
